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The magical practice of rectal foreign objections. Out of urban legend and into the occult underground!
Nickname: Too many to pick just one. This school is pretty much a neverending bonanza of opportunities for people who like coming up with disparaging nicknames for adepts.
Look, I'm not going to talk about this school of magick very much, okay?
Adepts of the school are even less likely to talk about it, since, well, the sort of intense hypermasculinity required to work this magic doesn't jibe well with talking about it.
Yes, it's a school of magic involving inserting foreign objects into your butt. Yes, it's an offshoot of Pornomancy. Yes, it's uncomfortable, embarrassing and intensely dangerous.
No, I'm not going to talk about it any further. If you have any other questions, I think you know where you can shove them.
Generate a minor effect: Insert something into your rectum. When you do so, you may immediately use any one minor formula related to what you inserted. The effect lasts as long as the object remains up there. You can only have one effect (minor or significant) active at any time -- adding new objects cancels all effects. Make your skill roll when you push it in. Failure means you can't use the same formula for 24 hours.
Generate a significant effect: As with a minor effect, but the object you insert must be dangerous to you in some way.
No known major effect.
Taboo: If you behave in any feminine way, whatever formula you have active stops working, and you can't use a new one until 24 hours after you take the object out.
Furthermore, if you were using a significant formula, the damage you take is suddenly increased. See specific formulae for details.
For the purpose of this school, "feminine" behavior includes three things:
- using or wearing any objects associated with femininity in your culture.
- discussing or voluntarily revealing any vulnerability or nurturing, including both emotions and situations. The fact that you gain power by putting things in your ass definitely counts, but so does revealing that you're sad or afraid.
- being sexually submissive. You can have sex with men or women as you please, but you must be a stone top.
Note that, while most practicioners are male, the school is open to females who refuse to behave in feminine ways.
Symbolic Tension: Klismamancers penetrate themselves to become impenetrable.
Random Effects: Invulnerability. Klismamancy has a sort of sympathetic magic effect: adepts gain resistances related to what they insert.
I Am Solid
To use this formula, insert something rigid or solid.
You gain a resistance to damage. Every time you take any kind of damage, you reduce the damage by an amount equal to the tens place of the dice roll you made when you began this formula.
I Am Healthy
To use this formula, insert any drug or medicine.
You gain far greater effects from the drug or medicine in question. In effect, you get a +20% or -20% to an appropriate skill, or 20% on a new skill roll.
I Am Supple
To use this formula, insert something flexible or supple.
You gain the "Double-Jointed" skill at a level equal to your dice result.
I Am Inured
To use this formula, insert something that's emotionally important to you.
You gain a +20% to all Stress checks, and a +20% to resist any attempt to affect your emotions.
I Am Pure
To use this formula, insert a significant quantity of any liquid.
You gain a +30% against all poisons and diseases. This does include rolls to resist or recover from infections caused by other Klismomancy formulas.
Note that every Significant Formula also gives the benefits of I Am Solid while in effect. However, none of the protective effects help against the damage caused by the harm caused by the formula itself.
Any result of infection is a serious internal infection, intensely painful and potentially fatal unless you receive serious medical care.
I Am Untouchable
[I]To use this formula, insert something that is extremely unclean or biologically hazardous. You must make a Body roll at -30% to resist infection every 3 hours you have the object inserted.
If you break taboo while this formula is in effect, you're automatically infected.[/I]
You are immune to all Stress checks and attempts to affect your emotions. You are considered a sociopath, with all related benefits and flaws. You also get the benefits of I Am Solid.
I Am Unmovable
To use this formula, insert something too large or bulky to go in or out easily. Insertion does damage equal to the sum of the dice +3, as does removal. After removal, roll Body each day to prevent infection or tissue damage, until you get surgery or a matched success. If you break taboo while using this formula, you suffer from overwhelming pain that causes -30% to all rolls, including Body rolls to resist infection and tissue damage.
While this formula is in effect, you cannot be moved against your will. You cannot be tripped, pinned, tackled, shoved, hurled, or knocked over. Even a car crash wouldn't move you, though you could still die from the impact. You also resist damage as if using the formula I Am Solid.
I Am Shielded
To use this formula, insert a dangerous and harmful magical object. The actual effects vary by object, but the formula ends if the object ceases to be harmful (or at least risky) to you. If you break taboo while this formula is in effect, you automatically suffer the worst possible effects of the harmful object, and you cannot use your magic skill for a week.
While this formula is in effect, you resist curses and blasts. Note your dice roll on the magick skill roll. Any magical ability used on you without your consent will fail unless the roll exceeds that number.
This formula doesn't help against magical abilities that don't require a roll of some kind.
I Am Unscarred
[I]To use this formula, insert something that causes energy damage, such as acid, electrical shock, heat, cold, radiation, or chemical burns. You take damage equal to the sum of your skill roll each hour you leave the object in. Every day afterward, you must make a Body check to resist horrible infection, until you get surgery or make a matched success on your die roll.
If you break taboo while this formula is in effect, all damage is doubled and you get a -20% to Body rolls to resist infection.[/I]
You are unharmed by electricity, heat, cold, acids, radiation and chemical burns. Against other forms of harm (such as bullets and fists), you get protection equivalent to the formula I Am Solid.
I Am Impenetrable
[I]To use this formula, insert something that is very dangerously sharp. You take damage equal to the sum of your dice roll, plus 6. You also take 1d10 damage every ten minutes you leave the object in. Every day after that, you take 1d10 more damage and must make a Body roll to resist massive infection. You keep making rolls and taking damage until you get surgical help or get a matched success on the Body roll to resist infection.
If you break taboo while using this formula, all damage you take is doubled and you have a -20% to Body rolls to resist infection.[/I]
This is the big whammy: when this formula is in effect, you are immune to blunt trauma and all cutting and piercing. Against all other forms of harm (such as fire, chemicals, magic blasts that don't cause piercing or blunt trauma) you still get the benefits of I Am Solid.
What You've Heard
Jimmy Dallaglio was a sexually obsessed but somewhat depraved wanna-be Pornomancer who hung out with the Sect of the Naked Goddess, offering muscle while he tried to learn Pornomancy. Instead, he found that he got a little bit of magic from enemas (which is how the school got its inaccurate name) and experimented from there. In time, he left the Sect on tense terms, to offer his services (mostly still as muscle) to random dukes who didn't ask questions about the source of his power.
Pretty much the grossest school I've done. So, ah, apologies for that. I have no idea where the idea came from, but I figured there were plenty of folk stories and urban legends, plus some real and disturbing news articles, and, well, it was troubling enough to share.
Reading this I was struck by the similarity between this school and both epidermomancy and narco-alchemy. If you were to use it for tough guy npcs I think these would work better. The phrase 'dark and secret anti-mouth' came to mind while reading.
RoseStCabal | profile | Oct 26, 09 | 10:37 am
Well, it does well enough for being a Significant School, it's paradox is sufficient to bring power.
Requiem_Jeer | profile | Oct 27, 09 | 11:49 am
true but I can't help feel that the opportunity to be beautifully / horribly freudian is going by the wayside. Why limit your self to anal fixation when you can have oral as well?
RoseStCabal | profile | Oct 27, 09 | 1:06 pm
Remarkably strong paradox for such a narrowly focused school. Good work.
Bicornis | profile | Dec 06, 09 | 8:05 am
The only problem I have with this otherwise awesome school is that it allows men to have sex with men. In Western culture it is generally assumed that if you have sex with men, you are perceived as effeminate, even if you are a stone top. This probably won't apply in cultures where being a top in a gay relationship doesn't call your masculinity into question, such as Samoa, but it should apply the West at least.
Asarelah | profile | Jan 02, 10 | 11:25 pm
Asarelah, thanks for the thoughts! I see where you're coming from, though I think I prefer it as-is. If someone wanted to run it instead as "you can't have sex with any men at all" I could see that working, too, and I don't think anything else would need to change to keep the school balanced.
RoseStCabal, you could pretty easily use the idea as an alternate charge structure for Epideromancy, too, it's true.